Saturday, 19 January 2013

Band Review: The Lumineers

The Lumineers are going to the banjo shop in a clown car.
     'Left here for the banjo shop,' the tambourine player's assistant says.
     The singer is driving. He turns the wheel left, but the vehicle swerves right. It is a clown car. Some pedestrians laugh and applaud as the band crash into a canal at 30mph. The car sort of floats. The bonnet opens and noisily ejects a mandolin in a comical cloud of ticker tape and glitter. The smell of canal mud, effluvia. There was no engine. Drowning car horn.
     They all climb up onto dry land.
     'You've really done it this time,' the drummer says.
     'Who are you speaking to?' Asks the female Lumineer.
     The drummer looks embarrassed. 'David Gray swore he would see me right in a dream,' he says.
     The tambourine player's assistant watches the tambourines float down the canal a short distance, then unceremoniously sink.
     The Lumineers form up for a group hug. They start chanting HO HEY and stamping their feet until their spirits are sufficiently lifted as to think about heading over to the banjo shop.
     'The banjo shop, the banjo shop! I'd almost forgotten!'
     'I need banjo strings.'
     'I would like a lovely bright colourful banjo sticker for my pencil case.'
     'Isn't that a nice idea. Say, isn't that a nice idea, Wesley?'
     'What was that?'
     'Jeremiah was just saying he would like a lovely bright colourful banjo sticker for his pencil case.'
     'That is a nice idea! Can I get one too, Jeremiah?'
     'Oh of course, Wesley. We can all have one together'
     They head across the road to the banjo shop. The tambourine player remains by the canal. He is on his knees.
     They enter the banjo shop laughing and patting each other on the back. The door activates a bell. They laugh at the bell.
     'Can I help you?' Asks the shopkeeper.
     'We're the Lumineers,' say the Lumineers.
     '...can I help you?'
     'Yes. Banjo stuff for our music, please.'
     'What are you? Scientologists? Get out of this banjo shop.'
     The Lumineers go home and write a tawdry little caucasian love song.  

1 comment:

  1. 'David Grey swore he would see me right in a dream,' he says. That pesky David Grey is always making promises he can't keep.