I love Hey Bulldog so much that I once tapped my foot to it in church - and it wasn’t even playing! I laughed so hard at my own insanity that a fat woman with a natural perm was forced into a position where she had to ask me to leave. I lost control and called her a ‘freak of fat nature’ in front of the whole congregation. When they turned around to look at me, I pointed at each one of them (there were eight) in turn with my crooked index finger, then ran the same finger across my neck as if to suggest they were all dead meat.
The vicar began slowly edging towards me like he was about to try something nasty; I hissed at him and ran outside screaming and sort of laughing.
Once outside, I climbed up the outer wall of the church like a huge paranormal gecko. I climbed into the belfry and sat up there for a time, just thinking.
They didn’t know I was up there until someone noticed urine streaming down the outside of the large stained glass window.
I’ve listened to it twelve times in the last twelve hours.